


Petals and Thorns

by Lana_Fair



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Roommates, Tokiya's POV, good ending, mentions of throwing up, time jumps
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-18 18:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16522118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lana_Fair/pseuds/Lana_Fair
Summary: Getting flowers for Otoya wasn't something Tokiya planned on. Wasn't something he wished he had; it was more of a nuisance than anything good. But, if it was what'd kill him, Tokiya was surprisingly okay with going down that way.All to see Otoya smile one more time.





	Petals and Thorns

**Author's Note:**

> I like angst.

The pressure he felt on his lungs while singing was new.

Tokiya didn’t remember ever having such a trouble to sing, or even talk. It was natural, just like breathing, that now became just as problematic. He often found himself wheezing, out of breath after one song. With how much his agency put money to provide Tokiya with the best health care, it was, to say the least, concerning.

And it all started after he joined the Saotome Academy.

Tokiya even began to suspect there must have been something within the building; maybe it was the AC he wasn’t used to? The washing powder used for the students’ beddings?

Or maybe a certain redhead.

Otoya Ittoki wasn’t a person Tokiya would willingly chose to room with; in fact, the boy annoyed him how much he resembled Hayato. Except he was _real_ , not a façade Tokiya decided to put on all those years ago.

He was also the cause of Tokiya’s worst wheezing. For an unknown reason, every time Otoya heard a hitch in Tokiya’s breath, he began to fuss. A lot. And that only worsened Tokiya’s condition, to the point he straight out began to avoid his roommate. Work helped; he had a reason not to be at home.

 

When did the Academy become home to him?

 

Otoya was hurt, Tokiya knew that. The boy tried so hard to become friends, to be a good roommate, and only got a cold shoulder for it. Tokiya felt like suffocating around him, in more ways than just one. Otoya was just so bright, and cheerful, and childlike, making Tokiya want to protect him from all the hardships of the industry. Otoya deserved only the best things; all the pain and loneliness that came with fame, Tokiya would gladly take on himself, if only to protect the boy.

He never felt so protective over someone. Just like the pressure on his lungs, the sensation was new. Alien, and at times annoying when it mingled with his work, but Tokiya would never willingly stop feeling that. It made him feel _alive_ , for the first time in years.

Tokiya suspected the cause of his condition. But, only once he did accept it as a possibility, was when he coughed up the first flower.

A single daisy.

White petals looked pristine against his skin, yellow middle mocking a sun.

Otoya Ittoki was like a sun, brightening Tokiya’s dark life. A blessing Tokiya would most likely not survive long without anymore, just like the flower in his hand. In such a short time Otoya had such a big impact on him, it shouldn’t excite Tokiya this much. Those feelings, new emotions, they shouldn’t be this exciting.

 

_He was in love_

 

* * *

  ** _Daisy_** _\- symbolizes innocence and purity. It conveys loyal love and ‘I will never tell’. Gerbera Daisy specifically conveys cheerfulness_.

* * *

 

After accepting his love Tokiya felt lighter. Sure, there were the flowers he had to hide, and the rules he had to stick to. But, no one could take it from him. No one could take it from him how a single emotion filled him with strength. He wanted to impress Otoya; wanted to be the best for him.

Tokiya couldn’t recall if he was ever in love. He had his fair share of crushes along the way, but this one was the first to give him flowers. This one was special. He would scowl, more in concentration as to not to cough a bunch of flowers every time Otoya smiled, but he didn’t mean it. There were times when he felt awful, but Tokiya had to keep his distance.

The coughed up daisies made their way into one of his books. They were safe there; Otoya, as nosy as he tended to be, seemed to avoid books like a plague. He did, however, read whatever book Tokiya gave him for his studies when the boy’s question became too much. Not for Tokiya to answer – he knew everything Otoya asked for. It was too much for his lungs, and after each study session ended with the sweetest _‘Thank you, Tokiya~’_ Tokiya was left breathless, chest heavy as if there was a boulder holding him down.

“I can’t do this…” Otoya wailed softly one evening, head pressed against a book. They were studying for upcoming exams. Otoya seemed to be unable to concentrate, always fidgeting and asking questions not related to the topic.

“You can. You know all of this, you just need to focus.” Tokiya flicked the top of Otoya’s head to make him sit straight. Not only for his spine; the page was wrinkled already.

“If Tokiya thinks so, then I’m definitely going to ace this!” Otoya laughed, determination showing in his red eyes. It was a good look on him.

Once the results came in, it turned out Otoya didn’t exactly ace the test, but was very close to it. The day the boy came running to Tokiya, a paper in hand and a biggest smile on his face, was the day when daisies weren’t the only flowers he coughed up.

Lilacs hurt. They tickled his throat, and were hard to get out of his respiratory system, and Tokiya felt like he might truly suffocate if he didn’t take the damn flower out. They were no longer small like daisies, and just as easy to hide; single flower was big enough Tokiya had to fold it in his hand to hide. At least whole flowers were still a rarity. Single petals were more common, and, when possible, made their way next to the pressed daisies in Tokiya’s books.

Purple.

Otoya’s favorite color.

 

* * *

  ** _Lilac_ ** _– symbolizes youthful innocence and confidence. **Purple lilac** symbolizes first love._

* * *

 

Otoya was wonderful. Loving him was a blessing, and Tokiya accepted the fact that it might kill him. It’d be a blessing to go down like that after all the suffering.

Carnations were the first flowers to come up as bunches. Those didn’t get to be pressed in a book; after a stupid slip on Tokiya’s side Otoya discovered them, lying on top of the table. The boy thought Tokiya got them, and the next day transferred them from a cup into a vase bought just for them. As painful as they were to get out of his lungs, Tokiya kept putting fresh flowers once the old ones began to wither. They made Otoya happy; Tokiya decided he was ready to suffer if only he could pride himself in being the one to cause the smile on Otoya’s precious face.

Reiji Kotobuki, their new roommate and a senpai, eyed cautiously the flowers the first time he noticed them. He smiled as Otoya babbled about them, and how he visited several stores to find a perfect glass vase to match their beauty, but his eyes were focused on Tokiya.

_He knows_ was Tokiya’s first thought, and yet he didn’t deny anything. He preened at Otoya’s compliments, fighting to maintain his usual scowl he wore around the two when his mouth wanted to curve into a smile. Thank god Reiji was too busy working on their project to ask questions; questions Tokiya knew were inevitable and would eventually come. But, it gave him time to form an answer.

The project was Reiji and Otoya’s duet. Despite the overwhelming support, Otoya often cried at night when Reiji left for whatever Quartet Night duties he had. Tokiya then would pet his head, make him some tea, and reassure that yes, Otoya could do it. Only he. No one else.

Once a single was out, a so far unknown name of Ittoki Otoya blew up. Fans loved it, critics praised for Otoya’s ability to keep up with Reiji, and Tokiya spent an evening throwing up carnations into the toilet. He masked it as a stomach bug, and wished he could enjoy Otoya fussing over Tokiya not taking care of his health a little more.

“It should help with the scratching.” Said Reiji as he handed Tokiya a simple box once they managed to get Otoya out. Reiji weirdly insisted it was Otoya to go to the pharmacy for some meds to soothe Tokiya’s stomach.

“Thank you.” What turned out to be a tea indeed helped with his throat. Tokiya briefly wondered why Reiji even had it in the first place as the soft, herbal scent filled his lungs. It completely cancelled the ever present smell of Otoya’s shampoo on Tokiya’s clothes; the boy had a nasty habit to take whatever clothes he felt like wearing that day, not paying attention to who they belonged.

Tokiya was yet to call him out on that.

Otoya’s nose was as red as his hair one he got back, a white bag in hand. He laughed sheepishly as Tokiya began a 10 minutes long lecture of why he shouldn’t run out in just his jumper in the middle of November. Tokiya ignored the swelling of his heart and Reiji’s knowing looks, just as he ignored yet another carnation forming in his lungs.

 

* * *

**_Carnation_ ** _– symbolizes pride and beauty. A **red carnation** symbolizes love, pride and admiration_

* * *

  

Otoya’s restlessness was getting on Tokiya’s nerves.

All Tokiya wanted was a moment of silence so he could get a melody forming in his head on a paper, words following close the notes. A song of love; it was all he could write. All he ever wrote but the emotion got more honest after he began to cough up the first daisies. It was no longer empty words, meaningless confessions, and _my princess_ thrown here and there when he felt like a verse lacked something. He still used that, more often than he’d like to admit. But, it wasn’t only Tokiya who noticed the change. It wasn’t only him who noticed how _my princess_ turned from a faceless imagination to something more tangible, more real.

_My princess_ that was now rolling on his bed, unable to find a comfortable position. Tokiya could almost hear the gears moving inside Otoya’s brain as the boy tried to figure something out. Part of Tokiya wanted to just ask what was worrying him if only to make Otoya stop. The other, the one that won, decided to let Otoya figure that out on his own; after all, Tokiya wouldn’t be there to lead him through the life. As much as he wished he could, Tokiya knew the end was nearing more and more with each passing day. One day, Otoya would no longer need him. One day, Otoya would move on, move out of their dorm, maybe even forget about Tokiya.

Tokiya felt his chest tighten, a pressure on his throat all too similar.

It wasn’t from the flowers.

Tokiya cleared his throat to mask a sob at the thought of being left. He wanted to reason that Otoya was too good for that. Otoya would never, but Otoya would also want to start his own family one day. He wouldn’t need Tokiya in the picture after they disband.

“Tokiya?” bless, bless Otoya for sensing Tokiya’s distress. Bless for calling his name when Tokiya felt like crumbling at the thought of inevitable.

“Yes?” He just hoped his voice didn’t sound like it appeared to him. Otoya remained quiet for a second. Tokiya turned his chair to face the boy sitting on the bed. He was biting his lip, a bad habit of his.

What came out of Otoya’s mouth took him by surprise, and, if asked later, Tokiya couldn’t really remember his mouth forming the response.

“Tokiya… Do you like me?” Otoya asked, imaginary puppy ears flat on his head. Tokiya wanted to punch himself for causing the sad expression on the boy’s face.

“I…” _Love you,_ “tolerate you.” Lies, all lies, but Tokiya couldn’t just confess. Couldn’t give up his chance for a second debut, couldn’t destroy Otoya’s dreams even before they started. As much as lying hurt him.

Otoya reminded silent for a moment. Tokiya turned his chair back to the desk, thinking the exchange was over. He nearly fell over when there was a crash behind him, followed by Otoya’s whines of pain. Careless puppy, hit his head while jumping out of bed.

“I’ll make you like me!” Otoya announced before running out of the room, leaving Tokiya speechless. He could feel ticklish sensation of gardenias blooming in his lungs.

_What was that supposed to be?_

 

* * *

_**Gardenia** – symbolizes purity and sweetness. They indicate secret love. They convey joy._

* * *

 

It was hard to breathe. Even swallowing hurt; that was new. Flowers never irritated his throat, too delicate to do any damage. On the top of that, his mouth felt like copper, and there was a pressure on his shoulders that did. Not. _Help._

_Leave_ Tokiya thought as he felt flowers bloom in his lungs, painful as never before.

_Leave_ as each breath hurt.

_Leave_ as he came to his senses.

”Tokiya!” Tokiya’s eyes snapped open. His brain managed to notice a red blur above him before Tokiya turned to the side, head hanging, and threw up.

At least he no longer slept on a top bunk of their shared bed.

He heaved and coughed, but instead of vomit flowers fell out of his mouth. Roses. Red roses, with thorns. That’d explain why his entire respiratory system hurt.

Tokiya couldn’t tell if the hand pushing his hair away was helpful or not. The closeness both soothed his pain, but also caused more flowers to bloom. The floor was covered in flowers, spit, and speckles of blood from Tokiya’s irritated throat.

“Tokiya, you need help.” Otoya spoke up once Tokiya stopped dry heaving, no more flowers left in his lungs to make their way out. “If this continues it will kill you.” Tokiya let out a chuckle followed by a moan of pain; it hurt.

“I know.” His voice was raspy and his throat felt like sandpaper. It hurt to speak, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to _live_.

Was his time finally up?

“Don’t even say things like that!” Oh. He said that out loud. Despite his clear rage, Otoya didn’t leave like usual. They didn’t fight often, but when they did they went _hard_. Words they didn’t mean, tears they didn’t want to cause. But now, Otoya stayed. He pulled the pillow from beneath Tokiya before he could lay his head on it. Just then Tokiya noticed a red stain on a pristine white. Most likely the reason for Otoya’s panicked voice as he tried to wake Tokiya up.

“What… What would I do then?” Otoya had tears in his eyes as he tugged on the pillowcase; the pillow inside was stained as well. Otoya threw it to the side and used the clean part of the pillowcase to wipe the remaining blood from Tokiya’s cheek.

“You’d cry… You’d move on.” Tokiya hissed in pain. He really shouldn’t speak right now.

“Don’t…” Otoya bit his quivering lip. “Who?” Tokiya didn’t answer, eyes down. The flowers on the floor matched Otoya’s eyes. “Tokiya, please… You need help…”

“Not when?”

“Fresh flowers when you clearly didn’t have time to go to a florist’s shop. I know since when.” Otoya chocked on something; Tokiya suspected it was a sob. What a failure he was… Making Otoya cry over his stupid disease, caused by the boy himself.

_No_ Tokiya’s brain corrected _the flowers aren’t Otoya’s fault. Your love for him is a blessing._ The pain was on Tokiya himself.

“You.” He whispered the answer, too tired and done and hurting to argue. The hand cleaning his face stopped; clearly, Otoya heard that. Tokiya could feel as the hand the boy supported himself with on his shoulder begin to shake. First slowly, then like a leaf in the wind, until Otoya fell onto the bed next to him, Tokiya’s face in his hands.

“Tokiya, you idiot.” Otoya sobbed out, pressing his forehead against Tokiya’s own, white rose petals falling from his mouth.

An idiot indeed.

 

* * *

  **_Red Roses_ ** _– an unmistakable expression of love. **Red roses** convey deep emotions - be it love, longing or desire._

_**White** _ **_roses_** _indicate marriage, purity, and new starts._


End file.
